Jerry, you need to find god
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Sorry my hands just texted you
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize