I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
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