I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
