I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Drake has all the answers
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize