She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
