I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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