you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I want her autograph on my taint
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
