i jhust puked up my retainher.
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
