u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
