Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Is it penis luge time yet?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
