Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
