Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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