I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
