I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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