Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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