Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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