I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
