Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
50% drunk capacity currently
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
