I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
