I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
