It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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