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• (513): View more from Ohio

  Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.

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• (915): View more from Texas

  so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on

  (1-915): View more from Texas

  who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me

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• (407): View more from Florida

  Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.

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• (803): View more from South Carolina

  this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie

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• (289): View more from Ontario

  Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.

  (313): View more from Michigan

  No promises

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• (647): View more from Ontario

  The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.

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• (207): View more from Maine

  No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.

  (207): View more from Maine

  What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?

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• (626): View more from California

  The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.

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• (884): View more from

  My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second

  (212): View more from New York

  Hashtag Pathetic

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  more importantly I need two hands to eat pie

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• (706): View more from Georgia

  He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.

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• (815): View more from Illinois

  being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check

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• (208): View more from Idaho

  Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out

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