do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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