like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
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