Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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