I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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