After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
