Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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