ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize