Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
We talked him into tasing himself.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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