The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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