you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
