Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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