He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
