dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
