im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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