i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
