Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
