me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
zippers are such a cool invention
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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