is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
