I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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