I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
