Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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