My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
