What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
