I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I have feelings that need drinking.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
