i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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