do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
