can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
