just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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