is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I FOUND THE LEGS
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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