i'm signing you up for texting rehab
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
