google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
