Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
