So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
