What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
