She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
