the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
