my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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