your thong is hanging out like whoa
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize