I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize