i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
