Taylor Swift is so right about you.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize