So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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