GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
