so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
